Truth is the essence of my being...

Rutiera.. my way to Iargara!

They say essence is what makes a substance true.. and with out its true substance or feelings, or being it will lose its true identity..


Truth to my existence is what makes my world rotate every day... Its hard to imagine or determine where I will be in six months.. a year.. or any time in my future.. With the chaos that has circled my life for so long.. I have recognized the life is a day by day... minute by minute.. second by second treasure..


Most days I feel free.. open to the world.. ready to take on any challenge that comes my way. I have learned to turn my back on the negative and only seek out the positives in my life.. Losing my mother... my uncle.. and the relationship with my father for three years were the most devastating.. heart aching experiences I have ever been through.. Yet these tragedies have always led me to wonderful.. spirit-filled moments.. Through Christ all things are possible..this is my motto of life, love, and movement. 


Not all in life will go the way we in-vision, but the visions we have for ourselves are only a step or two away.. its only taking the time to move your feet....


As I made my movement to Moldova the recognition of the unknown was there.. not knowing what the people would look like, how romanian would flow out their mouths.. what I would sleep on.. and what my body would go through mentally and physically.. 

Sitting in front of this blog today.. I am entranced in the essence of myself.. Scared of every step I take, scared to breath, scared to be Jamie.. scared to smile and be happy.. scared that I won't survive through the night.. Yet there's this undying itch I have that continues to make me scratch for more pain, more utterance of the unknown.. Why?? Lord save me from this pain, from this utterance.. from this unknown.. Yet guide me.. guide me to the treasure of belief.. the treasure of truth.. the truth of who I am... 
                                                      The truth of who you want me to be..


The night I laid alone.. In the village of Iargara.. tears pouring down my face... scared for my life.. scared I wouldn't ever be the same Jamie again.. scared that I wouldn't survive until the morning.. I reached out for the people closest to me.. seeking guidance.. praying for survival.. But why??? Why were this feelings there.. This isn't me.. I don't get scared, I don't give up.. Don't you remember Jamie you have been through some of the most difficult trials and tribulations someone could possibly experience... Yet I hear these voices in the back of my head.. encouraging me to move forward.. telling me that I am not the normal being of life.. that the truth has always set me free.. that I am a unique individual that can survive... regardless of the terror of closing my eyes..


As I peel open my eyes the next morning the recognition of survival is running thru my veins so strongly.. The creases near my lips turn to a smile as I in-vision the day that awaits me... As I get ready that morning.. the strong odor from the water hits my nose as my heart begins to pound... the fear of my well-being approaches again.. as I watch the dirt seep thru the water, with recognition that this would be my bath for the morning.. a bath in fifth and yet the true utterance of wanting to be clean, to be refreshed.. yet how would I find this.. 


Pentru Tine.. a place of smiles, heartaches, disbelief, survival.... My recognition.. the TRUTH... the essence.. the reason I am in Moldova... As I watch the smiles increase on the young child's faces.. my heart grows with joy, happiness, and love for my survival in life.. My survival is helping others.. seeing that life of my own is wonderful, that life of others can not always be great, but yet as beings we can all find happiness within ourselves, we just need people their to guide us in the right direction, and to provide us love that makes us feel wanted, and be able to survive the night and arise the next morning..

Children painting at Pentru Tine

The fear I felt was overwhelming.. the joy I experienced was true... the excitement of laughter as we play soccer in the scolding sun helped me to get lost in my own trance of recognition of what life consists of.. happiness, sadness, disbelief, hope, fear.. and empowerment.. 


Moldova you are my home.. my home for two years.. be good to me.. guide me to the light of truth.. the truth of peer essence.. the essence of my being...

Valeria(My partner) and I are our team conference