The true meaning of a person through my eyes..

Comfort zone.. its time to step out of the box and begin to unveil the hidden truths that lie beyond the surface..

Most people I have met through out the twenty four years of my existence..  have only judged people on their physical or mental appearance.. These people never step more then an inch into my world, I instantly will close you off and you will never affect my moods, presence or self-security..

For my friends back home.. you are real, your the truth, your my sanity(Kory Polk).. For my new friends in Moldova, I can't await to truly engage in a friendship so real.. As for now that time is unknown..

As I ponder on my thoughts... sink into my seat... listen to the sound around me.. I hear accusations.. I hear pity, I hear constant moaning and groaning.. It overwhelms me.. Because to me people aren't real until they find themselves, and get out of their childish being.. This is what gaining new friendships feels like to me... Your sat in front of fifty-four other people.. everyone so different with their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and actions.. and we are expected to fit together perfectly.. Unreal.. unheard of...  But truly amazing at the same time, because no matter the differences between all of us, we all have the same purpose in Moldova.. to spread peace and friendship... and that is the simple truth..

Energy is something I yearn for, long for, want so much in my life.. Moldova has begun to drain me as a person, it's beginning to take me away.. I need to work, I need my sanity... My frustration level is heightening as I watch all around me and hear people talking about others, judging them.. acting childish and I strive and long for my sanity that I had in the states to come back! Why is judgement a part of life? Why can't people be real to others and to themselves??

To me judgement is in another light.. a light of simplicity.. looking all around me at the Moldovan people at their physical, mental and most importantly at their hearts.. And find true serenity within my self knowing why I want to help people every day of my life.. We as humans are all so unique, and NO one person is better then the next..  Back in the states I only had to surround myself around people whom I liked, shared feelings with, and connected with my dry, straight faced humor.. Here in Moldova I am NOT understood and I yearn for this day to come.. The day when people understand me, respect me, and most importantly recognize my good qualities... Sarah Johnson.. I miss you more then anything.. It brings tears to my eyes when I am writing this, you are the one person in this world that I can share anything with, and you understand.. The treasure of our friendship is just the simple actions of looking at each other and being able to know our moods, thoughts and beliefs.. Your my friend, your my attitude, and you forever will be in my heart! I love you girl..

As for my connection to Moldova and to this blog I want to share some of the daily stereotypes I hear from Moldovans:

1) All americans are fat!

2) All americans ONLY eat fast food.( First week I was here in Moldova I got asked if I wanted to go to McDonalds because I am American!)

3) All americans are rich( Our lives our perfect and we have everything we want)(If they even new the beginning of my pain)

4) All americans are loud and obnoxious. ( We get many stares everyday if a group of Americans are together and being loud, however Moldovans can scream their heads off and party away and it be perfectly normal.. Difference is we speak in English)

5) We all know famous people. (J-Lo is my best friend)

6) We aren't sociable and need our privacy. (Go to your room and stay there and dont worry I will close the door behind you)( As I scream for my existence of my social being)

7) All americans are black( and a majority of Moldovans don't like black people). (One of the volunteers host families couldn't believe that she was white!)(Another volunteer was pinched to make sure she was actually a "real" american)

8) We are weird because we smile- Moldovans dont smile (if you smile here in Moldova your a little weird, and women don't smile at men it means you want them!)

9) All Americans do everything wrong! (Financially we don't know what we are talking about haha!)

In contrast these are stereotypes that I have never encountered in all my travels.. With being to twenty countries I would think that I would of felt these feelings before, but its a new and unusual experience.. Its hard to describe.. Alot of that is the simple fact is that I will be living in this country for two years.. However, every day I feel judged with every move I make...

But going back to the main question.. Why do people judge one another.. Why can't a person take the time to ask others questions and get to know their true interior as a person..  To me.. my life would be better off if this was the truth..  This will be my challenge here in Moldova, because every morning I wake up, and every evening I go to sleep.. I yearn for my friends, my family, my job back home.. I yearn for the understanding, the respect of the knowledge I carry, and the humor that is hidden within me.. Lord guide me down the right path and show me the way to my existence in this country..

Truth is the essence of my being...

Rutiera.. my way to Iargara!

They say essence is what makes a substance true.. and with out its true substance or feelings, or being it will lose its true identity..


Truth to my existence is what makes my world rotate every day... Its hard to imagine or determine where I will be in six months.. a year.. or any time in my future.. With the chaos that has circled my life for so long.. I have recognized the life is a day by day... minute by minute.. second by second treasure..


Most days I feel free.. open to the world.. ready to take on any challenge that comes my way. I have learned to turn my back on the negative and only seek out the positives in my life.. Losing my mother... my uncle.. and the relationship with my father for three years were the most devastating.. heart aching experiences I have ever been through.. Yet these tragedies have always led me to wonderful.. spirit-filled moments.. Through Christ all things are possible..this is my motto of life, love, and movement. 


Not all in life will go the way we in-vision, but the visions we have for ourselves are only a step or two away.. its only taking the time to move your feet....


As I made my movement to Moldova the recognition of the unknown was there.. not knowing what the people would look like, how romanian would flow out their mouths.. what I would sleep on.. and what my body would go through mentally and physically.. 

Sitting in front of this blog today.. I am entranced in the essence of myself.. Scared of every step I take, scared to breath, scared to be Jamie.. scared to smile and be happy.. scared that I won't survive through the night.. Yet there's this undying itch I have that continues to make me scratch for more pain, more utterance of the unknown.. Why?? Lord save me from this pain, from this utterance.. from this unknown.. Yet guide me.. guide me to the treasure of belief.. the treasure of truth.. the truth of who I am... 
                                                      The truth of who you want me to be..


The night I laid alone.. In the village of Iargara.. tears pouring down my face... scared for my life.. scared I wouldn't ever be the same Jamie again.. scared that I wouldn't survive until the morning.. I reached out for the people closest to me.. seeking guidance.. praying for survival.. But why??? Why were this feelings there.. This isn't me.. I don't get scared, I don't give up.. Don't you remember Jamie you have been through some of the most difficult trials and tribulations someone could possibly experience... Yet I hear these voices in the back of my head.. encouraging me to move forward.. telling me that I am not the normal being of life.. that the truth has always set me free.. that I am a unique individual that can survive... regardless of the terror of closing my eyes..


As I peel open my eyes the next morning the recognition of survival is running thru my veins so strongly.. The creases near my lips turn to a smile as I in-vision the day that awaits me... As I get ready that morning.. the strong odor from the water hits my nose as my heart begins to pound... the fear of my well-being approaches again.. as I watch the dirt seep thru the water, with recognition that this would be my bath for the morning.. a bath in fifth and yet the true utterance of wanting to be clean, to be refreshed.. yet how would I find this.. 


Pentru Tine.. a place of smiles, heartaches, disbelief, survival.... My recognition.. the TRUTH... the essence.. the reason I am in Moldova... As I watch the smiles increase on the young child's faces.. my heart grows with joy, happiness, and love for my survival in life.. My survival is helping others.. seeing that life of my own is wonderful, that life of others can not always be great, but yet as beings we can all find happiness within ourselves, we just need people their to guide us in the right direction, and to provide us love that makes us feel wanted, and be able to survive the night and arise the next morning..

Children painting at Pentru Tine

The fear I felt was overwhelming.. the joy I experienced was true... the excitement of laughter as we play soccer in the scolding sun helped me to get lost in my own trance of recognition of what life consists of.. happiness, sadness, disbelief, hope, fear.. and empowerment.. 


Moldova you are my home.. my home for two years.. be good to me.. guide me to the light of truth.. the truth of peer essence.. the essence of my being...

Valeria(My partner) and I are our team conference

Reveal Of My Site Placement.. My Life For The Next 2 Years..

As humans we have so many thoughts that consume our every day lives... Some good... and some evil.. Its our natural response to be afraid of new things and creatures.. 

The adjustment process one goes through in a new territory whether mentally or physically takes time.. And the expression of time is different for each individual... Some this process could take two weeks, others it could take two years... 

I arrived in Moldova on June 8th with many weights on my shoulders.. The idea of stress, unfamiliarity, loneliness and desperation of achieving the inevitable.  

With being so blessed as you already know. I was placed with an amazing host family in the village of Stauceni that has made my first month the most thrilling experience. I have never felt so comfortable in a foreign place so quickly. And with Moldova being country number 20, I can say I have some experience in this area..

However on July 5, 2011.... my life in Moldova began its step forward.. maybe backwards... It was the revealing of my site placement.. a place I would call home for the next 25 months of my service... With feeling like a lost child again.. scared to say goodbye to my beloved host family, scared to feel lonely again, scared of what awaits me, scared if I can suffer through another goodbye..

The positives my familia gazda has opened their house and arms to me whenever I want to visit and have gave me nothing but support and encouragement that my new site and family will be great... Even though they are sad to see me leave, and also feel the heartache that I do.. they are truly a gift to my life..

My Future Site:

 Leova in the town of Iargara. 

Its around the population of 4000 people. I will be living with a family that consists of a mom, dad, brother and sister. I will have running water, indoor plumbing and internet.  So would have to say I got quite lucky. My host mom is a teacher at the school and my host father does work at the school. Host sister is 14 and volunteers at the place I will be working, and my host brother is 17 and is a student. 

I will be working in "Pentru Tine" which means "For You." Its a center for young children between the ages of 7 and 16 years old. Its an afterschool program for children to come and have a safe place to go. These children could be at risk, or pregnant. Along with young children whose parents are alcoholics and making them work all day in the fields to pay for their alcohol. Its a very depressing area, however I am going to enjoy it to the fullest. I also will be conducting different sports activities for the children. Starting some kickboxing possibly, along with soccer and other teams. I figured any type of sport will keep them active. Secondary I will be working with Human trafficking, and starting an english club. 

My romanian professor also lives in my village so she will be my tutor for the remainder of my serivce so I can excel in my language and become fluent. Which is pretty awesome.

So as your reading this your probably asking yourself why would Jamie be scared... what does she have to worry about...

Its not about worries, its about change. About taking the biggest step of my life with coming to Peace Corps and adjusting to new friends and family, along with settling into a new city and learning a new language.. As I began to settle in, and become comfortable.. content, familiar, happy... It all has to change.. This is where I don't want to fail.. This is where support from home is needed, love of true family and friends... Because I feel lost, hopeless, stranded.. surprised.. happy, excited.. Many mixed emotions are are undepicted at this time...

As I ask myself daily: will I like my new family... will they like me... will I fit into my community.. will they accept me as an american.. will I do well in my job.. will I succeed.. was it right to leave my amazing friends and family and career back home.....

These questions are overwhelming.. as happy as I am.. I am human... I have feelings.. and I am not perfect.. But succeeding is in my vocabulary and giving up and running away is no where in my hemisphere.. 


As I leave you with these thoughts.. Know that I am ready for this adventure.. however as humans we have a right to our emotions.. the good and the evil ones... Trust in your self and follow your faith..

Eu sint voluntara in Corpul Pacii.... I am a volunteer in Peace Corps

Nu vorbesc romaneste… In our American words this simply means I don’t speak Romanian. Which is how I feel everyday when I am approached on the street, at school, at the market on the corner, or even doing something simple such as buying a pair of jeans.. My American ways have cultivated me into something that is stereotypical. Reality is hitting me when I have only understood, and lived one way for so long, that adjusting to anything new is scary and challenging.. Everyday I ask my self why am I not scared? Homesick? Sad? And I have yet to find this answer.. Going on my third week in a Moldovan community the only things I can answer is what verza is.. which is cabbage… and how to introduce myself…

Eu sint Jamie, Eu sint din America, din Iowa. Am absoulvit universitatea de stat din Iowa. Eu am grad in sociologiea si criminolgiea. Eu sint voluntara in Corpul Pacii in programul dezvolutare comunitar. In Moldova eu locuiesc in Stauceni.

Which all this means I am Jamie, I am from America, from Iowa. I graduated college at Iowa State with a degree in sociology and criminology. I am a volunteer in Peace Corps in the community and organizational development program. In Moldova I live in Stauceni.

Confusion is the midst of the great endeavors in life.. However what does a person do when they are thrown a challenge and the only way to respond is with words.. Yet knowing that the words I express are not taken lightly here, and my every move, thought, or blink of an eye is being watched at all times.. Its like I am a fish in a bowl and thousands of people are starring.. imagine being in that bowl with a new creature, and realizing the only way to survive is through courtesy , patience and forgiveness…  With being an observant creature, I have saw the context of moldovans and can say judgement is politeness here and means no harm, however some of the experiences I have received in my american lifestyle judgement hurts, and is looked down upon. 

With the words one describes in America, may not have the same meaning in Moldova.. Which one is right or wrong? In my conclusion neither are right nor wrong... As a traveler of many countries I have had the chance to develop a great respect for others, and their cultural ways.. However I can simply say I am far from perfect and can not say that I don't get frustrated because I sure do.. This week in language has been difficult for me... so many verbs, conjugations, items... its hard to keep everything together.. I often find myself saying "Why did I do Peace Corps?" To simply find the answer of: I love the experience I am getting, I am in need of this true awakening and fulling life!! But to my friends and family back home I want to say these words.. Peace Corps was the hardest thing I ever had to commit too... With all the paperwork I filled out(over 90 pages), the stress it put on me physically and the duration of time I waited to begin this journey. I can honesty and respectfully say "it was worth the wait." 

But I can also express that Peace Corps is not for everyone.. and I constantly get the question of "Why the heck would you ever do that!" Well.. I don't have the answer, but I can put it in a scenario that everyone can feel...  "Think of something you truly love and admire, something that makes you smile and feel worthy, something that is new and challenging every day, think of being able to adjust to a whole new lifestyle and enjoying every step..." Whats your answer?? Mine is helping other people... And I will do this for 27 months.. I will make it every step of the way...

Thank you to everyone in my life who encourages me every day.. 

The friendships and heartaches and the first tear shed

As I lie awake at night, day dream in class, and reminisce about my life on my walks to and from school I have realized the impact each volunteer has made on my life in just two short weeks. With remembering the tears that were shed the days before I left America, I realized they were tears of happiness and the love I feel for my friends and family. However, when I hung up the phone on my thirteen day in Moldova and a tear was running down my face from some devastating and heart aching news from one of my closest volunteers I realized the impact that these wonderful people have already had on me... I truly thought I would shed my first tears over missing Iowa, missing America, missing my wonderful friends and family, however reality has once again shocked me and made me realize how much I needed Peace Corps and how much I need this experience.

Every day its hard to believe I am living in a foreign place, with unfamiliar people surrounded by straight faces, and delicate hearts. I have came to believe that the hard exterior I try to portray is far from anything of who I am. Moldova has begun to mold me into a woman of faith, belief, love, and true thoughts. These thoughts that I can call my own, not that someone else has created for me. I am survivor and I am a believer that all things happen for a reason, and that the true struggles I or anyone here in Moldova has can be conquered and each one of us will succeed and meet our true expectations of ourselves. For the volunteer this applies to, know always that God never leads us in the wrong direction, but only guides us to our greatest lights.

My first week in Moldova

Words cant describe what its like to wake up in a new country.. with a new family.. new friends.. and not being able to speak the language... Living in Moldova has made me find my voice in a new light.. As well all know I love to talk and joke around.. However every time I have tried to do that its all been like a mime.. The silent Jamie has been revealed.. My host family is great.. Nick my host brother has really grown on me.. He stands about 4 feet tall and is 7 years old.. We enjoy many nights together where we do different taekwondo moves. As for my host sister Catea she is 23 and is exactly like me.. She speaks some english.. We have had many exciting evenings together talking about her Romanian boyfriend and the life as a Moldovan woman. It has been prevailed to me that we as Americans are not different then Moldovans.. Its just the different beliefs, likes, dislikes, cultures, and values that separate us. She has truly taught me a lot about myself.

As for my lovely host mother Caroline, she is the most kind, hospitable person I have ever met.. Even though we can not speak to each other, our slight exchange in words, and gestures does us well. She makes me smile every day and makes me feel more then welcome in her home. Her husband Peter(my host father) is very quite and shy, however I got to experience photo viewing with him. He opened up to me on a sunny day and was talking about his time with the Soviet Union and how it was foarte greu(very hard) and how America was (este reu) which means very bad. However before anyone gets offended I have to let you know Peter loves to glumesc(joke). So we were having a good time, and it was incredible to see the pictures from that time. Those are moments that many will not get to experience and times I will forever cherish.

Above I have only went in little detail about my host family. But I want to really express the love I have for Moldova. Every day I walk to school thinking about my life and cherishing these moments. There are many things I have taken for granted such as tap water, a place to sleep, money, a great job.. And there are many in other countries that do not have it as well as I did in America. So I will say in the beginning of my Peace Corps journey... I am happy.. and I am proud I took this journey.