Walking here... walking there.... through the mud... through the snow..... life in Iargara is something I would of never known if Peace Corps hadn't became a part of my life...
Born and raised in the United States of America the reliability I have had on cars is incredible.. Back home it was a way of life and never really crossed my mind on how it would be with out.. Now with walking through the bitter cold every day I begin to grasp the cherished moments with my car..
The steps I take each day remind me of the culture I have immersed myself into.. I look down at my feet and see them covered in mud as I strut my way to my center... Getting many comments from the locals on how I walk so relaxed and appear as if I am in no hurry to get any where.. and most of all don't look stressed out every time I go place to place.. This seems like a new concept for Moldovans.
I questioned the cook at my center on why she mentioned to me on the pace of my steps.. She expressed "because I walk so quickly and my whole life I have always been in a hurry to get from place to place," as she expressed further that "every day there is so much to do, so little time and so little money, so every minute of the day I feel like I need to go go go to make use of my time."
Admiration is what I have for alot of people here who work so hard. However, the expressions that many of the locals make including Domana Zina(Cook) is that they "go" so much that soon they wear themselves out and don't have time to think..
An example of this is my current host mom. She is such a hard worker no matter how the weather is. Every day I see her working so hard to take care of her grandchildren, the animals, and her and my home. She is such an admiration to me, but also scares me at the same time. My host mom has had some health problems in which I have great concern for. I have expressed that she needs to go to the doctor for these issues, but her response is that "I have to work Jamie, and I can't take time for myself."
This really hit my heart and also reality for me. Some people live there lives off the idea of work work work and never take care of themselves.. To be honest I can relate to this with having done this in the states. I was always on the go and working 19 hour days and I never had time to think or recognize the lack of sleep I was getting. Something I have learned for myself here is "take care of yourself first and foremost," then move to the next step in life.
With looking at other areas of winter in Moldova I have noticed instances that hurt and bring much aching to my heart... As I go to my center I hear and talk to many children who have no electricity or warmth in their homes. Many of the children will freeze over night and simply have no other options. It really upsets me with feeling like I have so much and they have so little. Lately, I have been taking several items from my house and giving it to my coworkers or to the children knowing they can get more use of the items then I can and need them more!
Here's a run in I had this week:
A young mother of Angela(I am sure if you have kept up on my blogs you will remember this young woman), came into my center expressing the pain that she was having. This woman expressed that she doesn't have any way to keep her warm, no soba, no electricity, no food, simply nothing. As I am sitting in my chair listening to this woman my mind is going 100 miles a minute.. Thinking to myself on how I would feel if my life was like this.. My eyes began to swell with tears as I had to shake them away so she couldn't see my pain.... But all I could think about is how horribly I feel for this family and even more so for Angela... Because the truth is even though they don't have these things in their house this woman still finds time to drink all day long and engage in sexual activities with numerous amounts of men.. She has chosen the live to deceive herself verses helping her child live a healthy life. So as much as it makes me sad, it also makes me angry....
Overall the devastation that I have seen in Moldova during the winter is nothing but pain. I was talking to another Peace Corps volunteer about life in Moldova and this person expressed to me " Moldova is like living in a cloud, nothing is ever clear and it's hard to see. It's like your living in a fog of pain, and never can be yourself, never can feel whole." I truly believe this and I have felt this personally. It is extremely hard to live in this country seeing these devastations, along with the response that we as volunteers get from the local people in terms of helping....
Winter in Moldova brings great reality and understanding to my life.... each day I take another step in this country I recognize the strength one has to have to make it each day...
Take one step at a time, understand who you are, know your limits, and prosper!
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